


First Words Are Never Convenient

by betheflame



Series: Shorts & Drabbles 2019 [10]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Artist Steve Rogers, Canon Adjacent If You Squint, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Kidfic, M/M, Multi, Post-Retirement Avengers, Stuckony Server Remix, Stucky Bingo 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 18:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20451434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betheflame/pseuds/betheflame
Summary: “Will you please just wear the tie I picked out for you, Jesus Christ, it’s like pulling teeth,” Tony sighed as he put toothpaste on his toothbrush.Steve waited for Tony to have a mouth full of dental cleaning products before responding. “I want to wear the tie I always wear, Tony, I want to wear my lucky tie.”Tony spat out a gob of toothpaste and side-eyed his boyfriend. “No such thing.”“There is too such thing as a lucky tie,” Steve’s voice escalated slightly.“Bozos,” Bucky said as he stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. “I literally just got her settled in her Johnny Jump Up. We now have exactly twenty minutes before she gets crabby. One of you two distracts her with yourAnnie Get Your Gunbickering, then I swear to God I am leaving you both.”As Bucky made this threat approximately four times per day, neither of the other men took him seriously.





	First Words Are Never Convenient

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bill_Longbow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bill_Longbow/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The value of poo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12920286) by [Bill_Longbow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bill_Longbow/pseuds/Bill_Longbow). 

> YAY for the Stuckony server having 400 members! To celebrate, we've remixed some of each other's works and this is one of my offerings - taking Bill's original about Tony having a daughter at an art gallery and insulting someone and making it into... this. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (Also a Stucky Bingo fill for "Oblivious to Lovers")

“Will you please just wear the tie I picked out for you, Jesus Christ, it’s like pulling teeth,” Tony sighed as he put toothpaste on his toothbrush. 

Steve waited for Tony to have a mouth full of dental cleaning products before responding. “I want to wear the tie I always wear, Tony, I want to wear my lucky tie.”

Tony spat out a gob of toothpaste and side-eyed his boyfriend. “No such thing.”

“There is too such thing as a lucky tie,” Steve’s voice escalated slightly. 

“Bozos,” Bucky said as he stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. “I literally just got her settled in her Johnny Jump Up. We now have exactly twenty minutes before she gets crabby. One of you two distracts her with your _Annie Get Your Gun_ bickering, then I swear to God I am leaving you both.”

As Bucky made this threat approximately four times per day, neither of the other men took him seriously. 

“There is _too_ such thing as a lucky tie,” Steve repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. “I wore that tie on our first date, and at the dinner where we asked May for help with the surrogate, and when I sold my first piece. I want to wear my _lucky tie_.”

“Doll, he’s whining. We’ve hit crazy artist brain,” Bucky begged Tony. “Can you please just let him wear whatever the fuck he wants so we can all maybe actually show up to this thing on time?”

Tony threw up his hands “Fine! Forgive me if I want the star of tonight’s show to wear the tie and pocket square combination that will bring out his eyes the most perfectly for all of the photos I know he’ll be asked to take from all the squealing fangirls sure to populate the opening and -”

Bucky cut Tony off with a kiss, as past experience had taught both him and Steve that this was the only effective method for stopping that particular train once it had left the station. “His mental health is more important than your vanity, you foof,” Bucky whispered, “and you know it.”

“Why are you perfect?” Tony grumbled as he leaned into Bucky’s arms.

“Years and years of putting up with you two doofuses,” Bucky replied. “Now, please, for the love of all the gods old and new, finish getting dressed. The car will be here for the two of you in, like, ten minutes.”

In all of the calculations of life post-Avenging that Tony had prepared for himself, being the public life partner to Captain America and private one to the Winter Soldier hadn’t really entered the permutations. Never mind having Steve transition from Captain to award-winning visual artist, meaning he had two important people in his life that made him give a damn about art and he’d been rolling his eyes at Pepper for decades. 

This falling in love business was such a bummer when it came to lame hobbies. 

Six months after Thanos, Tony had been on a routine visit to Wakanda. When he’d arrived, T’Challa regretfully informed him that his normal suite of rooms was under construction and would he mind terribly to share a suite with Bucky and Steve? 

Shuri, it turns out, had been plotting with Nat for years to make the three men stop dancing around each other. All it took in the end was a busted water pipe and time. 

Somewhere around day ten, when they’d surfaced enough to get outside food and beverages, Shuri asked what the plan was. Steve and Tony started staring dumbly at each other and at Shuri, while Bucky rolled his eyes and calmly replied that he had a plan. 

_“You have a plan?” Tony replied, using his tone that Bucky knew meant he couldn’t believe that anyone would have a plan faster than the futurist himself. _

_“Yeah,” Bucky nodded. “Half the world already thinks you two are together since you’ve been eye fucking each other for what, ten years?, and Buzzfeed may be annoying but they’re not stupid. I have as much desire to be a public figure as I have to eat my own toenails, so the way I figure it is that you two can get married and la di da and I’ll be your kept man at home.”_

_“You came up with all of this in the last ten seconds?”_

_“I came up with this as soon as I de-dusted, you asshat,” Bucky replied to Tony. “I’ve just been waiting for you two to wise the fuck up.”_

And so it was. Tony and Steve did the public thing and all anyone would ever confirm was that Bucky lived with them. Tumblr had some opinions about the arrangement - as Tumblr was wont to do - but none of the lads let it bother them. 

When they’d decided to ask May if they knew anyone who would be a suitable candidate for surrogacy, they’d already decided that Bucky was basically made to be a dad. May shocked them by offering to do it herself and Bucky had shown up at every single class and doctor’s appointment as May’s “cousin”, but gleefully reported back every detail to his partners. 

When May finally gave birth to Amelia Emily Stark - so named for ease of company transfer, according to Tony, but also because it just wasn’t a battle Steve or Bucky cared to fight - all three men doted on her and made sure to have skin-to-skin time and bonded with their wee babe. 

They all knew Bucky was her favorite. 

Tonight was Steve’s latest gallery opening and he was - as usual - a bundle of nerves. This was, by Bucky’s calculations, right on schedule. Steve and Tony would show up for the red carpet bit, which Steve would say was completely unnecessary and Tony would remind him that it was good PR for Steve’s foundation that helped young artists from marginalized populations create and live. As soon as Steve found a kid who wanted to talk about art, he’d melt into a creature that more resembled a golden retriever than an uptight Army captain and Tony would smirk and work the room and make people give at least four times as much money as they’d been planning. 

Bucky would show up approximately forty-five minutes after the other two, through a side door, and would spend most of his time talking to the parents of the students whose art was on display alongside Steve Rogers’ and remind them all that Steve was a human, a bit of a punk, and that their kids were wonderful. 

Tonight was the first time Bucky would do all of that with 10-month-old Amelia strapped to his chest. 

“Steve and Tony’s,” he confirmed over and over, adding _and mine_ in his head as he reminded himself that the secrecy was his call, and the other two men said he could change whenever he wanted. “I know, being her godfather is the best,” he’d confirm to the guests who cooed over the infant and told a whole slew of folks that no, they weren’t allowed to take pictures of her. 

“Will you execute the traditional sweep?” Bucky muttered at one point, activating his personalized A.I. that Tony had built into the newest version of his arm. 

“Of course, sir,” Winnie remarked. “All photos of Amelia will be terminated from the devices of anyone besides the family.”

“You’re my best girl, Winnie,” Bucky replied, even as he held his true best girl. 

They wandered the room until Amelia got a little fussy and Bucky made eye contact with Tony, who grinned and signaled that he wanted to hold his daughter. 

“Oh, what a beautiful genius you are,” Tony babbled as he lifted Amelia out of the Mobi carrier and rested her on his hip. 

“Poop,” said genius responded. 

“Did she -” Bucky started. 

“Was that?” Tony continued. 

“Did that baby just call my painting poop?”

The pair whipped their heads around to see a very sad looking teenager, flanked by a frustrated looking gentleman who Bucky guessed would have no trouble making him cry if Bucky made the teenager cry. 

Legendary Stark charm to the rescue, however, and Tony explained that his daughter had said her first word in front of the painting and could he buy it so that this momentous occasion was marked appropriately and by the end of the night, a First Nations artist made their first sale and Tony Stark the Sap owned a piece of their familial history. 

First words were rarely convenient after all. 

It was also particularly fun for the dads to play with fifteen years later when Amelia started bringing dates home. 

_“Have you seen Amelia’s first word?” Tony asked one young man as he waited for Amelia to finish - Tony had no idea, probably curling her hair. Pepper was in there with her. _

_“No?” The boy was clearly confused. _

_“ABSOLUTELY NOT DAD,” Amelia roared from her room. _

_“Oh, then yes please,” the boy grinned and Tony laughed. _

It became their gift to her at her wedding, and it hung in a place of pride in her first child’s nursery, a calm reminder to everyone that babies rarely did as they were told, but were always perfectly correct.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/betheflame1) or [Tumblr](http://betheflame.tumblr.com) for more works about these yahoos and their pals.


End file.
